Thursday Thoughts 01
I'm swimming in some not-so-positive thoughts today. Maybe I feel influenced by the weather (it's raining and everything is melting, to be followed by everything freezing later tonight), or maybe it's because I forgot my morning meds at home and only realized it right when I got to work. I'm going home at lunch so that I don't go too long without taking them (that'll be ~3 hours from scheduled time...I've gone longer, but I don't recommend it).
I guess the day just got off on the wrong foot.
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But also my thoughts are consumed by what's going on with regard to Canada and the US; I keep checking channels I normally mute on Discord ("dumpster fire" is the name of one of them, if that gives you an idea of the content), or doomscroll on Bluesky between Sens games, or see all the latest news popping up on /r/Canada. It's not healthy, but strangely I can't look away?
I'm thankful for Brandon's forum because political talk is strictly out of bounds and I know the only negativity I'm going to read about are related to people's thoughts on social media, and even then it's barely scathing. Mostly it's just fun talk about things we enjoy, a safe space.
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And about social media. I'm not in the group of people totally sick of it - I feel I've done a good job of curating my feeds in such a way that I'm not immediately attacked by political posts and overt negativity. If I stay away from Bluesky when there isn't a Sens game around that takes care of the political crap that gets reposted (because I don't follow the accounts that are being reposted...but I follow people who do).
But I feel less pulled toward it. Reddit especially - I used to be on it all the time, every day. I still love it for the actual helpful stuff - advice on tech stuff, solutions people have found to various problems, that kind of thing. But I could do without reading all the comments from people who Must Be Correct or have the last word in whatever stupid argument they start. There are several posts I know to stay away from and not even open because the comments are all going to be the same thing as every other time similar posts have come up.
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As a result of everything above I also feel generally disconnected. I'd love to write more blog posts and continue working on the resurgeance of Alternative Airwaves but the motivation just isn't there. I love reading other people's blog posts though, that at least hasn't gone anywhere. My RSS reader is also a safe space.
I'm still writing, but privately in my journal (but still not as much as I would like). I think the motivation will come back, I'm just in one of those cycles I usually hit. I go through a period of prolific output, slow down a bit, then eventually hit a wall and need to work at it to get back to regular writing. Then things pick up, eventually putting me back in that prolific period until I hit the wall again. Rinse and repeat. I'm not upset by this cycle, the important thing is that I recognize that it's a regular part of my process and I don't get discouraged by it anymore.
Or rather, I don't get discouraged by a lack of motivation. I'm still a bit discouraged by that disconnected feeling.
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I have 3 and a half days to myself while my wife is away for work. While I do miss her, I enjoy these times to be quiet and work on any projects on my own time, or watch movies that I know she probably won't enjoy. The only problem is that generally I become a shut-in. I'm perfectly happy to stay in the house and do my own thing. It makes me wonder what would happen if I was single - would I ever go out and do anything, ever?
So I try to go out and do something at least once. This weekend I'll be going to a friend's birthday party. It will challenge my social battery but I think it's for the best. I also want to take my camera out and get some photos for Hiro's composition challenge; the weather has been bad for that the last few days. Beyond that I might try to hit up a store that exclusively sells non-alcoholic beverages; I've ordered from them before but never visited.
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