Short review: "Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do" by Eve Rodsky
Recently I've embarked in a journey of self-improvement, specifically when it comes to relationships. I am not a perfect husband, and I'll never achieve that (is there such a thing?). But I can address some of the complaints my wife brings up. In this case, borrowing "Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do" from the library was intended to address the general topic of being present and thoughtfulness1.
I first found this book after searching for book suggestions; this was one of them that was shared in a Reddit thread. There wasn't any context behind it, but it was replying to a post about figuring out how to share the load in a relationship. When I looked up the book, the summary seemed like it was that kind of book - something to help me understand how "the other half" thinks and ways both people in the relationship can support each other.
So it's probably my fault for not doing further research and discovering that this is aimed at a specific audience: heterosexual married couples with children; more specifically, the women in those relationships2.
It's written in a way that ostensibly is about empowering women to take the initiative and get their husband more involved in the relationship. If it was just that perspective, it'd be fine! I did take away some useful notes, even if they were echoes of what my wife has said to me3.
My problem with the writing is that it is very condescending toward men. I accept that often men are the problem in most relationships, so it makes sense that they are the gender to be singled out. But in most examples she writes about, the men are just shy of being made to look like cavemen who are all about work and leave all home duties to the wife.
Still, the book is useful for this message to break through: no one person's time is more valuable than the other's, and it's important to make time for yourself for your interests and hobbies. Rodsky calls the latter "unicorn space" which I absolutely detest, but that's a Me Problem.
Oh, the last negative - she turns all of this into a card game. Rodsky has created a game with 100 cards (maybe it's more now? Who knows!) where each partner takes on a specific task and takes care of "CPE" - Conception, Planning, Execution.
I like the concept behind it, but I don't think you need to make a game out of it. This goes back to the "caveman" problem I had; the implicit suggestion is that men won't get behind the idea of "fairness" without playing a game.
I did not finish reading the book - I stopped at the introduction of the game and all the cards. Clearly I'm not the target audience, so there was no point in continuing and getting more and more infuriated.
Unfortunately I can't recommend this one; there are better relationship books out there4.
Reply by email Share this post Mastodon Bluesky
By thoughtfulness, I mean putting thought into actions, planning ahead, that kind of thing. I just don't know how else to say it in a word.↩
I also assume that the target audience is white, and most definitely "comfortable" (if not wealthy) in terms of finances.↩
In short, when it comes to a specific task, there are a lot of steps between writing the task down and executing it. They're exaggerated a little in Rodsky's book for effect, but the point is taken.↩
And I'm reading one of them. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman.↩