Don't Apologize
Last weekend I went out for my friend's 40th birthday party, out to a local bar/restaurant. A regular place, not too fancy, serving drinks and pub food. Leading up to the night, I felt my social battery was low and wasn't sure about going out. I promised my friend (whose birthday we were celebrating) that I'd give him a ride to the restaurant, so I knew that I wasn't backing out. Still, I wasn't looking forward to it. It turned out to be a good night: I saw people and friends I hadn't seen in a long time, and enjoyed good conversation (even though I'm lousy at that and need other people to bring up topics that I can join in on, and feel comfortable to bring up other topics myself).
I ordered some basic food: deep fried pickles, a fajita chicken wrap with fries. Too much food, but I knew I would get a to-go container and bring it home. I ate half of the wrap, some fries, and a handful of pickles (I tried sharing them, but one person took up the offer - and ate one pickle) and packed up the rest. My intention was to save it for lunch the next day, but when I got home that night I said "screw it, I'm eating this tonight." The restaurant also served a decent non-alcoholic beer (Heineken 0.0), so I had three of those.
For clarity, I don't drink and have not since 2019. I've spoken about it at length but at the time I had started epilepsy medication and told by my neurologist (and noted by the drug itself) that I should not have any alcohol. Two or three years ago my neurologist said that it's okay to drink, as long as I drank in moderation. I haven't chosen to do so yet, for two simple reasons: I haven't felt any pressing urge to do so, and I've gone so long now, why break the streak?
Later on in the evening when the only people left were myself, the birthday boy, one of my closer friends, and another small group of friends, they wanted to do shots. This is not surprising among a group of people who want to have some fun and enjoy drinks with friends. One of them asked me if I wanted a shot. My answer was no, I don't drink. She immediately apologized - she knew that, but forgot. And when I say she apologized, she really apologized; she felt so bad. I told her it's okay, I don't mind. It's easy enough for me to say "no".
It comes down to this: you don't need to apologize to me. I understand that sometimes people don't know, or people forget. It happens. I understand the default reaction for most people is to feel guilty that they offered me something I can't (or choose not to) have. Really, I do. But I'm not offended.
I can't speak for other people, but I suspect it's the same. Maybe it's different for recovering alcoholics, I don't know. I'm speaking from a place where it's a personal choice. I promise it's okay. You don't need to apologize to me. You don't need to feel bad. I will tell you if I'm offended1.
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Actually...I probably wouldn't, even then.↩