Distractions
My wife was out of town for work on the weekend, leaving me to my own devices. I did a lot of things over the weekend to pack my time, and basically distract myself:
- Played a bunch of video games (including visiting my friend to try out his new PS5)
- Watched several movies (Dune II, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Poor Things)
- Watched some Women's World Curling Championship (Team Canada)
By the time Sunday rolled around, and I had finished recording a podcast with my brother and picked up groceries, I had tons of time left in the afternoon until my wife came home. She was due in after 7:30pm. What to do?
Because I packed in all that other stuff, I kind of felt...done. One of my intentions was recording a podcast episode of my own, but the creative desire was a bit drained. No real reason for it, it happens sometimes. I go through creative lulls.1
Eventually I felt a sort of malaise sink in, a feeling I've known before. Usually I haven't been able to pinpoint it but while writing out my thoughts in my journal, I think I finally nailed down what it is: loneliness.
It usually only creeps around when my wife is away. Sometimes I feel it for an extended period (a few days) - but I spent time with my brothers (one in person for Dune, the other virtually for the podcast) and friend on all three days. I filled the rest of my time with some things I put off for a while, like the movies I mentioned.
But when that all went away, I didn't have anything left to distract me. I felt spent; there wasn't anything left I really wanted to do. So nothing to fill the time until I was going to the airport to pick up my wife. Loneliness.
I'm used to having someone by my side after work and on weekends. We don't always do big and amazing things, but the point is that we are together and keep each other company. I don't know if this seems silly at all but it's nice to kind of sort it out after all this time.
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I don't like wallowing in self-pity and writing about it, so I'm listening to some chill music and working on something slightly more productive - this post.↩