An Almost Anonymous Blog

Creative Process

The creative process can be cruel. I've talked about this ad nauseum. It shouldn't be a surprise that this is something I think about a lot, because it's something I strive to do: be creative. As far as personal branding goes, I would like to be known for the ability to write and create things. To some extent I belive I have achieved this goal, at least online; I'm not sure that the people I know in "real life" recognize this of me. (I'm sure this has in large part to do with having a different online persona vs. my quiet, shy, introverted in-person tendencies.)

Just as a quick reminder, these are some of the projects I'm currently working on:

Some of it comes easy (my blog, tinkering with my website) and other things not so much. For instance I'm using micro goals to get that essay done. Last month it was "write an introductory paragraph" and this month it's "write two paragraphs". I haven't even written one, and there's 4 days left in the month1. I also look down on what I'm doing as "inferior". I know that there's nothing wrong with my writing, and the content I choose to write about. Sure, I would like to write something that gets published somewhere (this is a very vague goal and unless I make it more specific, it is also unattainable); but in my circle of self-doubt and imposter syndrome I am looking down on my own writing. And I shouldn't! I've had plenty of feedback from people saying they enjoy my writing and look forward to my posts. And some of this feedback is from people whom in the past I would probably assume that I'd never get that kind of praise from2.

Please excuse the meandering nature of this post, by the way; this is a lot of stream of consciousness writing to work out some mental kinks.

I recently responded to someone on Reddit who was asking about taking some time off from creating a podcast (about 7 months) and was experiencing a "mental block" about coming back. I asked what they meant by a mental block, and provided a couple of examples; one of the examples was your standard writer's block, but the other was (and I said this in my reply) a bit of me projecting how I feel: that the idea of returning to a project feels daunting. You have a lot of ideas, but the very idea of jumping back in (or just jumping in to begin with) seems so difficult you can't even start.

That's how I feel sometimes. I get grand ideas, but stall at the beginning stage, and the ideas drift away. Sometimes I think about the work involved in creating a thing, and I convince myself that I don't have the time to work on it (instead of figuring out a way to carve out time to do it). Other times, I think about the idea and talk myself out of it because I don't want to be a content creator pumping out every single thing that crosses my mind to try to make money. And sometimes I just want to read or watch or listen to stuff and write for myself.

Just now (as I write this, not when you read this) I got an email reply from Veronique and she mentioned it being nice to have an analogue break. I totally agree, sometimes I feel that these creative issues I have with myself are a result of beeing "too online". Writing in a physical notebook is 100% more enjoyable for me than typing away at a keyboard. I also have desires to make physical things: cassette mix tapes & recordings, zines (BIG maybe here, it's just a desire at this point). So forth.

Despite all this moping and groping, I am happy that I can say I am NOT in a creative rut. I am writing regularly in this blog, and as much as I beat myself up and convince myself that it's inferior writing, I know that it is a form of creative output. I have no shortage of sources of inspiration (see my blogroll), and plenty of places to find ideas for things to write.

But you know how creative types are - we are our own worst critics.

Addendum: Later in the day, well after I wrote this, I came across this great piece about creativity. It's amazing how interconnected the universe can be.

What I Learned About Creativity From a Man Painting on a Treadmill | Mike Grindle

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  1. I planned to write something Tuesday evening, but I decided to go the relaxing route of playing video games again. That's okay!↩

  2. This is a poorly-constructed sentence but I hope I get the idea across that I'm hearing from a "calibre of people" I would never expect to hear from before. But there I go again, putting certain people and writing on a pedestal and reducing myself...↩

#creativity